The test
Read only what shows before you scroll: name, headline, the top of About. In that glance, can a stranger answer:
- Who exactly do you help?
- What changes for them?
- Why you over the next person?
If any answer is not obvious, the profile fails, however strong the rest is.
Where it breaks
The headline. "Fractional CFO | Ex-Deloitte | CPA" is accurate and useless. It says what you are, not who you help, so the reader has to translate. Busy people do not translate.
The first line of About. "With over fifteen years of finance leadership experience..." is about you. Open instead with the pain your buyer feels on a Tuesday afternoon, so they think that is me, and keep reading.
How to pass
No full rewrite needed. Fix the two surfaces that carry the glance:
- Headline: an outcome for a specific buyer. Credentials move to the end.
- About opener: their problem in their words, then the line that says you remove it.
- One visible proof pinned in Featured, so belief happens without a scroll.
